Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Chasing the Dragon...



I was sitting at my desk doing some pretty mundane tasks, when it occurred to me that I was utterly in a state of frustration. As most would describe any need for release, mine comes from the extreme need to release w o r d s

I can't stand not writing... and yet, my life is not structured in a way conducive to the luxury of it. Maddening.

I think writing comes about much in the way a photographer needs to capture a moment, a light, an expression, a feeling...

My need to write comes on rather suddenly and hits me-- the joy and pain of it all-- like the need to push out life. I want the rush and the frenzy of fingers flying on a keyboard. I want to climb to the serenity and seclusion of my mind and frantically push pen to paper. I want to reach down and pull out the deepest and most abrasive or most caressing thoughts until they take shape into something semi-solid, then perfect in an untouchable way. 

Writing for me isn't about acclaim, it is primal. 

It is essential to my very being. 

In writing I feel the most alive. It is a chase that never ends . . .






Monday, February 10, 2014

bookstores, coffee, Dave Matthews, writing

A few of my favorite things. The enjoyment is immeasurable. Experienced collectively... it is quite possibly the pinnacle of existence.

The End.

Thinking

It is precisely that requirement of shared worship that has been the principal source of suffering for individual man and the human race since the beginning of history. In their efforts to impose universal worship, men have unsheathed their swords and killed one another. They have invented gods and challenged each other: "Discard your gods and worship mine or I will destroy both your gods and you!"

Let me preempt this prose by stating it is not a means to prove or disprove the existence or sovereignty of God or god concept. This is merely a cathartic application into the exploration of man, power, enslavement, persecution, brain-washing and how "religion" plays a part in these concepts.

I may be delving into an area that I, myself, feel limited to write about. Nevertheless, I woke up with these thoughts rumbling around in my head. When I wake up with thoughts I typically must exorcise them to a written form or they consume me and my ability to think of anything else.

Maybe it is my current state of residence that is lending to some dust kicking in the deep recesses of my mind.

Utah.

What do you say about Utah? This state is deeply steeped in religious fanaticism and owned for the most part by the Mormon church. This behemoth of a religious sect has presented many fractals along the way, one of which is the FLDS, or Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ and the Latter Day Saints. This group falls under the tyrannical charge of Warren Jeff's, president of the FLDS, who is now serving a life sentence plus 20 years in prison for the sexual assault and aggravated sexual assault of children in connection with a raid of an FLDS owned and occupied West Texas ranch in 2008.

The FLDS carries on one tradition that the Mormons abandoned in the 1890s: polygamy, or plural marriage. This practice circumvents the problematic ratio of men to women in the sect by marrying off men of any age to women and girls so they may capitalize on their reproductive abilities in order to grow their congregation. Men and women are revered as "holy" with each marriage and are considered to be climbing the ladder of holiness each time they enter into any subsequent marriage covenant, of which there is no limitation.

Jeffs, the sole individual in the church who possessed the authority to perform its marriages, was responsible for assigning wives to husbands. Jeffs also held the authority to discipline wayward male believers by reassigning their wives, children and homes to another man.

The FLDS Church owns essentially all of the real estate in the areas where its members reside. The FLDS also appears to exercise substantial if not complete control over the children born into the congregation. Male subjects are reported to have been frequently exiled from the church due to their alleged competition with the elder male members of the church for the limited number of suitable marriage candidates. 

To prevent this from becoming an essay on the FLDS, I diverge into the realm of thought on how this group or any religious group is perceived by outsiders to the faith and how our constitutional "freedom" of religion applies to such groups.

Surprisingly, my thoughts on the validity of perceived rights granted to this group by our government have taken on an evolution of sorts. I met a young woman weeks ago who escaped the Southern Utah commune still under the rule of the imprisoned Jeffs. Now living in Salt Lake City with her husband and young son, this young woman, along with many in this city, subscribe to a counter-culture, assiduously debunking any association or belief in religion of any sort.

Although, for generations, her family has lived under Jeffs rule, she never felt compelled to follow the rules and regulations passed down through ceremony and tradition. Since she can remember, she felt her thoughts and essential self in direct opposition to those in her community. Considered a rebellious teen, she would purposefully put herself at risk in order to stay on the "bad list." This was the only way she saw to keep herself free from marriage as her "bad list" status deemed her unfit. Surviving persecution, isolation, harsh judgement and punishment designed to get her back on track, she eventually devised a plan to escape. And that she did.
As soon as one identifies, challenges and overcomes illegitimate power, he or she is an anarchist. Most people are anarchists. 
 Noam Chomsky

Our encounter spurred my research into the FLDS and I was appalled at the lack of regulation by the government on the atrocities that occur as a result of one man's perversion of power and control over a group of people.

And then I began to see the FLDS as a microcosm of our world and all of the named religious groups in general. To a varying degree, all religious groups impose on its members rules and demands on how to conduct their lives.
How to dress.
Where to worship.
How to pray.
What to worship.
Who to marry.
How to punish those who fall short of the dictates of its highest members.
WHAT TO THINK.

If I am to be appalled and judge one religious group, should my disdain be applied to ALL religious groups? Is anyone subscribing to a religious sect, in essence, under the rule of man? Can religious members call themselves free? Is the formation of shared worship inherently oppressive? Are the members willingly choosing to be under the dictatorship of another? Is this a basic need of the human race? Is it necessary to grow closer to a higher being? Is the oppression of another necessary to have a religious group?

Once you attempt legislation upon religious grounds, you open the way for every kind of intolerance and religious persecution.
William Butler Yeats 







Sunday, February 9, 2014

Finding Time

The journey begins again
Chasing constellations and the rising
Sun
Moving forward
Faster and faster
Faster into time
And time spins
Taking me into it
Deep and dark
I feel the pull, a feverish grip
That holds me and swallows the weight of my
Breath
Breathing more into me
the memory of self
My dreams a labyrinth
 I am hunted
And found
Choking out the breath
That is so hard to take
Searching the corners of life for
Angels
But
Finding devils in my hand
A sweet whisper falls on my skin softly
"Walk with me
Come with me"
My heart
Beat
Slows


Thursday, February 6, 2014

Why Write

“We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. So medicine, law, business, engineering… these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love… these are what we stay alive for.”
N.H. Kleinbaum,  Dead Poets Society

Monday, February 3, 2014

Sylvia, Words, and Ovens.

“And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.” 
― Sylvia Plath

Today I was driving to my children's school. No music. Just me. I began to daydream, as I often do, of words forming on pages. I thought of the words that could come if only I allowed them the breath they deserve. I experienced the choked sickness of word death, too. Why not write what is writable? 
Then I thought of Sylvia Plath and the gas that consumed her.
Dear Sylvia, with her brilliant head full of words still swimming in that brain of hers, in an oven. 
You can't cook words. You have to spit them out fast, unabashedly. 
Oh to be a brave like Sylvia who found a way to impress us with poems and journals and Bell Jars and the courage to cook her brain when she decided to close shop on that word making machine. 

Wind Dance

There are times when the air is so still and the night and all of its glorious mystery
 beckons me to it 
feeding my inner desire
to wander into oblivion
nameless

and then I feel alive

my body comes alive

awakening an ache for a touch that only this vast emptiness supplies
I see myself cloaked in this same dark mystery
enveloped in black with my 
white body hidden 
beneath this 
fantasy
the time does not matter
the wind flies free 
and holds me still 
so that it can discover every inch of 
my nakedness
this weightless force sends me into a fire that consumes my blood and spreads it to
all of my pooling cells collecting themselves in the
spots
that 
do 
not
mind 
such rushes